A couple weekends ago, I was in my old stomping grounds of New York City. It’s a place where I found my voice, my carefree self, my love. Having temporarily escaped a life where I am mommy, wife, and insomniac entrepreneur, I found myself suddenly in the land of What-might-have-been.
What-might-have-been is a place of nostalgia and sentimentality for me. It’s a place where I yearn for the freedom and independence of being a single woman living in NYC. It’s also a land of what-ifs. What if I had taken that other job? What if I had never left New York? What if I had never met my husband? It’s a bittersweet frame of mind for me to be in. And after a while, I find it a bit boring, because it’s in the past, where things have already happened. And the past – unless you’re a time traveler – is a place where there is no possibility of action. At the same time, it’s a lovely stop to make on your way to the land of What-is. So that’s where I went next.
When I stepped into What-is, I found myself celebrating my life – my family, my friends, the daily silliness, the certainty and uncertainty of it, the frenetic pace. It’s a place of real gratitude and richness for me. It also puts me in a frame of mind that allows me to become really present to what’s going on in the moment. As a result, I was able to really savor the conversations, the extra sleep and even the perfect NY bagel I ate during my visit. I could have stayed in What-is forever, but being one who is compulsively compelled forward, I had to keep going – to What-will-be.
After all, what would a weekend getaway be without a trip to What-will-be? Compared to What-might-have-been, What-will-be is a place of pure creation! It’s where I get to declare the themes and create the vision that will guide and inspire me in my life. It’s a place that can move me to action in crafting the life I want for myself and my family. For me, that life will be one that is rich with learning and laughter. A life in which we are whole and healthy. A life where we have room for creativity and new experiences together and apart.
As I write this, I am on a plane, heading back to my home and my life-that-is. It’s a life that will be forever impacted by the trip I have taken this weekend, and by other actions that I take from this point on. I can’t wait to touch down, and I can’t wait to move forward in further creating a life I love.
Over the next couple of weeks, I invite you to take your own trips to the same lands. Journal about it. Talk to other people about your thoughts. Revel in them. Be scared and saddened by them. Enjoy them. Just be sure to spend enough time in each place, so that you can explore them fully. And let me know what you discover after you get back from your trip to What-might-have-been, What-is, and What-will-be.
Introspecting from the Sandbox,
Carolyn
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Girl on the run!
My neighbor is a Girl on the run. No, she’s not running from the law. Nor from her past! She’s part of a wonderful program whose mission is to educate and prepare girls for a lifetime of self-respect and healthy living (girlsontherun.org).
I spoke with her recently to learn more about what the program has done for her, and it appears to have done so much more than simply teach her how to run. In fact, what the program has truly done is given her the knowledge that she can do whatever it is she wants to. That by committing to something, she can make it happen, learn something new, master something, grow, succeed, and more.
In her own words, she is a girl who is much more comfortable reading a book than engaging in any athletic activity. In fact, running doesn’t come naturally to her. And maybe she wasn’t the best runner when she started. But now, I see her running with friends, running with her family, and also running with my 7- and 9-year old neighbors. Her enthusiasm and commitment is catching -- I half expect to see our whole neighborhood on the run at some point this season!
It’s a beautiful example of what can happen when someone makes a commitment to themselves and also openly and happily shares share that commitment with the people around them. It’s inspiring and motivating, and in the end, everyone benefits from supporting her, running with her, and being inspired to also do something for them.
Very often, we make commitments to ourselves that we keep secret and hidden. We do it for a number of reasons. Maybe we’re scared of declaring something and then failing. Maybe we think people won’t understand why we’re doing what we’re doing. However, in keeping something like that hidden, we do a great job of making sure that we’re alone in the process. And in the same way it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to create and support personal change and transformation.
So today, I invite you to think about some commitments that you’ve been hiding and to bring them out in the open. If it’s scary, start with the one person you trust most in life. See how it feels to share it and notice how all of a sudden, by outing your commitments, things start to naturally happen that support you. Before long, I suspect you’ll be “on the run” as well – towards the life that you’ve wanted all these years.
I spoke with her recently to learn more about what the program has done for her, and it appears to have done so much more than simply teach her how to run. In fact, what the program has truly done is given her the knowledge that she can do whatever it is she wants to. That by committing to something, she can make it happen, learn something new, master something, grow, succeed, and more.
In her own words, she is a girl who is much more comfortable reading a book than engaging in any athletic activity. In fact, running doesn’t come naturally to her. And maybe she wasn’t the best runner when she started. But now, I see her running with friends, running with her family, and also running with my 7- and 9-year old neighbors. Her enthusiasm and commitment is catching -- I half expect to see our whole neighborhood on the run at some point this season!
It’s a beautiful example of what can happen when someone makes a commitment to themselves and also openly and happily shares share that commitment with the people around them. It’s inspiring and motivating, and in the end, everyone benefits from supporting her, running with her, and being inspired to also do something for them.
Very often, we make commitments to ourselves that we keep secret and hidden. We do it for a number of reasons. Maybe we’re scared of declaring something and then failing. Maybe we think people won’t understand why we’re doing what we’re doing. However, in keeping something like that hidden, we do a great job of making sure that we’re alone in the process. And in the same way it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to create and support personal change and transformation.
So today, I invite you to think about some commitments that you’ve been hiding and to bring them out in the open. If it’s scary, start with the one person you trust most in life. See how it feels to share it and notice how all of a sudden, by outing your commitments, things start to naturally happen that support you. Before long, I suspect you’ll be “on the run” as well – towards the life that you’ve wanted all these years.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
A Close Encounter with Greatness
I had a close encounter with greatness this weekend, during “The Greatness Choice” workshop by the Growth Edge Group (http://www.growthedgegroup.com/).
I was there because I’m tired of dancing around on tiptoe around my own potential, and I was hoping that the group nature of a workshop would kick my ass and get me into some serious action around my life’s goals.
The room was full of people who were excited, anxious, curious, nauseous, confident, wondering and more! It’s amazing to be in a room with people who, just in the simple act of signing up for the workshop, have indicated that they do believe that they are great. For every person who had decided they deserved to be great, there are many more that passed on the opportunity to claim it for themselves.
So I went there, hoping to be struck by some kind of epiphany about my greater purpose in life, my calling, so to speak. That didn’t come. However, what did become clear to me were the following:
I don’t know exactly how my journey will end. At the beginning of this year, I made a big commitment to growing my business. And even though it’s growing in fits and starts, and I have more questions than answers about my own marketing, what is happening is that I’m getting out in the world, I’m learning, and I’m evolving. So while I don’t know exactly where my journey will end, I do know how I want it to be right now. I want it to be one of perseverance, creativity and bold steps.
I do know that I trust my greatness. I work with my clients a lot on identifying and articulating their unique selling proposition, the unique value that they might bring to an organization. At the same time, there is a piece of it that I truly believe cannot be defined by words. It’s a feeling, an essence, an energy that comes into play when a person is truly able to express what’s on their mind in a way that is authentic – that is truly human.
During the workshop, I was the happiest workshop dork ever, blurting, splurting, crossing out words vehemently and trying out things without knowing if they were “correct.” It made me laugh. It made me sing and dance and squeal, and I FELT ALIVE. As far as I’m concerned, I had tapped into my greatness in a great big way. In fact, it’s clear that if I’m to be fulfilled in my life, it will be through play, laughter, creativity, expression and adventure.
So okay, I get it and I accept it!
I’m not always going to have a sense of all the little stuff I need to do to create a life I love. However, I do trust that as long as I’m in alignment with the big stuff – my values, my essence, my energy – the small stuff will follow, effortlessly, easily and successfully.
So my question for today is: What kind of big stuff is guiding you? And what kind of small stuff can you stop obsessing on?
I was there because I’m tired of dancing around on tiptoe around my own potential, and I was hoping that the group nature of a workshop would kick my ass and get me into some serious action around my life’s goals.
The room was full of people who were excited, anxious, curious, nauseous, confident, wondering and more! It’s amazing to be in a room with people who, just in the simple act of signing up for the workshop, have indicated that they do believe that they are great. For every person who had decided they deserved to be great, there are many more that passed on the opportunity to claim it for themselves.
So I went there, hoping to be struck by some kind of epiphany about my greater purpose in life, my calling, so to speak. That didn’t come. However, what did become clear to me were the following:
I don’t know exactly how my journey will end. At the beginning of this year, I made a big commitment to growing my business. And even though it’s growing in fits and starts, and I have more questions than answers about my own marketing, what is happening is that I’m getting out in the world, I’m learning, and I’m evolving. So while I don’t know exactly where my journey will end, I do know how I want it to be right now. I want it to be one of perseverance, creativity and bold steps.
I do know that I trust my greatness. I work with my clients a lot on identifying and articulating their unique selling proposition, the unique value that they might bring to an organization. At the same time, there is a piece of it that I truly believe cannot be defined by words. It’s a feeling, an essence, an energy that comes into play when a person is truly able to express what’s on their mind in a way that is authentic – that is truly human.
During the workshop, I was the happiest workshop dork ever, blurting, splurting, crossing out words vehemently and trying out things without knowing if they were “correct.” It made me laugh. It made me sing and dance and squeal, and I FELT ALIVE. As far as I’m concerned, I had tapped into my greatness in a great big way. In fact, it’s clear that if I’m to be fulfilled in my life, it will be through play, laughter, creativity, expression and adventure.
So okay, I get it and I accept it!
I’m not always going to have a sense of all the little stuff I need to do to create a life I love. However, I do trust that as long as I’m in alignment with the big stuff – my values, my essence, my energy – the small stuff will follow, effortlessly, easily and successfully.
So my question for today is: What kind of big stuff is guiding you? And what kind of small stuff can you stop obsessing on?
Thursday, March 18, 2010
If you build it...
Recently, I made a very difficult decision -- to move on from a consulting relationship that had provided me with learning opportunities, interesting projects, a pretty steady source of income, the flexibility to work from home, and more.
However, what I had also found, over the past 6 months, was that this relationship was also stepping on time for my own business, time for my family and also time for me. In fact, in part because of my own decisions, it was starting to create a level of stress and frustration that, quite frankly, brought out the worst in me. Not good for me. Not good for the firm. And ESPECIALLY not good for my family.
So I decided to move on -- for me a scary, bittersweet and also exhilarating decision. In coaching, we sometimes refer to this as the act of "blowing up your life" in order to make room for something more fulfilling. To me, that's what it felt like, and in the moments after my goodbye conversation, I could feel the blast and the brick and concrete and glass and wood exploding upwards all around me!
And then the dust quickly settled. Now I'm finding that all the time and energy that had been so lacking in the past 6 months has been miraculously restored, and that I'm finding the space to breathe, see clearly, sing more, smile more, create content, and build my practice.
It doesn't come as a surprise that all this happened. After all, the law of attractions, the power of positive thinking, the magic of affirmation -- all have a basis in reality.
It is so very true that if you build it, they will come.
So my question for today is, if YOU build it, who or what will come?
However, what I had also found, over the past 6 months, was that this relationship was also stepping on time for my own business, time for my family and also time for me. In fact, in part because of my own decisions, it was starting to create a level of stress and frustration that, quite frankly, brought out the worst in me. Not good for me. Not good for the firm. And ESPECIALLY not good for my family.
So I decided to move on -- for me a scary, bittersweet and also exhilarating decision. In coaching, we sometimes refer to this as the act of "blowing up your life" in order to make room for something more fulfilling. To me, that's what it felt like, and in the moments after my goodbye conversation, I could feel the blast and the brick and concrete and glass and wood exploding upwards all around me!
And then the dust quickly settled. Now I'm finding that all the time and energy that had been so lacking in the past 6 months has been miraculously restored, and that I'm finding the space to breathe, see clearly, sing more, smile more, create content, and build my practice.
It doesn't come as a surprise that all this happened. After all, the law of attractions, the power of positive thinking, the magic of affirmation -- all have a basis in reality.
It is so very true that if you build it, they will come.
So my question for today is, if YOU build it, who or what will come?
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Sandbox Consulting: Be the Master of Your Cheese in 2010
Once a year, Jean-Claude Biver, CEO of Swiss watch company Hublot SA, makes cheese. Collecting milk during a certain time of year in the Alps, and using a very painstaking process, he creates a cheese that apparently has some of Switzerland’s best chefs calling for more.
But his cheese is not for sale. In fact, Mr. Biver refuses payment and maintains that he will never sell it, that, quite literally, he “will be the master of [his] cheese until the last piece” (Source: The Economist, Nov. 14, 2009, p. 76).
Something really struck me about this story. Maybe it’s because I love cheese. Or maybe it’s because I love the way Mr. Biver is 100% committed to never ever selling his cheese – not even for a million dollars, I imagine.
In a day and age when it seems like everything has a price tag, it’s refreshing to remember that there remain those pieces of our lives that are not for sale – our metaphorical cheese, if you will. For some, time with family is one of those areas. For others, perhaps it’s healthy and happiness. And for others, maybe it’s about self-care. Yet I’d hazard a guess that time and time again, we allow the pressures of work, family or friends to slowly erode the sanctity of that space.
Take a moment to jot down a few areas of your life which are not “for sale.” People often call these the non-negotiables in life. These can be values or commitments that you’ve made to yourself or to others, areas or principles in which you will not compromise.
Being the master of your cheese is really about drawing the line and creating boundaries around what you value in your life.
As you look at the list you’ve made, take stock of the number of time you’ve allowed those lines to be crossed. How many times, for example, have you said the following?
“Just this once...”
“I’ll make up for it later…”
“This one time won’t hurt.”
And the list goes on.
When you look at things from this perspective, there’s probably room for improvement. I know my list has shown me some huge gaps between what I claim is sacred, and what I’m actually allowing.
So this year, instead of writing up the same old New Year’s resolutions, I invite you to join me in creating a list of your non-negotiables for the year. Share them with me or with your friends and family, check in with me from time to time, and let’s make this next year one of value, fulfillment, and mastery of our cheese!
Warm wishes,
Carolyn
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