My Mother of Invention

When my mother was in her fifties, she applied for a scholarship to study Japanese in Japan for six months. It had been a lifelong dream of hers, and when the opportunity came up, she went after it. She got it. And that was remarkable.

However, what was more remarkable to me were a couple of the hurdles she overcame to actually make it there.

The first hurdle was the age limit for the scholarship. Apparently, she was wayyy over the age limit, and any responsible-do-as-you-are-told-instruction-following citizen might have stopped right there. But this was HER dream, and NOTHING was going to stop her.

The second hurdle was the advice, or rather, concern of her friends once she was awarded the scholarship. Concern that sounded something like this, if my memory from 20 years ago serves me well:

"You can't leave your family here."
"What about your husband? (How will he eat?)"
"Such a long time away!"

A lot of pressure for a woman of her generation and culture. As she shared her/their concerns with me and my brothers, each of us in our own way told her to go. In fact, as I laid out all the logical and illogical reasons to go, I remember saying that if she didn't go, I would never forgive her.

Years later, I see how desperate I was for her to pursue her dream. After all, if she could do it, then by golly, so could I! And as I reflect on that event and the impact it had on me, I also realize that my current image of my mom is inconsistent with my mother of yesteryear. In fact, the way I see it now, my mother is one who sometimes fills me with anxiety and fear around the way I'm raising my children. She shares concern and worry with such frequency that I often start to feel small, incompetent and powerless. It's as if I've somehow invented a totally different mother, one who lacks the ability or inclination to inspire, motivate, and empower.

Yet when I look at her accomplishment from back then, it triggers memories of additional achievements in her life. And I see that the mother who raised me to always follow the rules and to serve others well was also a woman who could take risks, was passionate and was committed to making her dream come true. And maybe, just maybe, it is that fervor that has stayed with me all this time and allowed me to pursue my own passions in life and work.

We often get stuck in perceiving our mothers as only that - mothers - while forgetting to see, acknowledge and honor the whole woman behind the role.

So this weekend, take time to celebrate and honor not only the mother who raised you, but the whole woman that she is.

Happy Mother's Day!
Carolyn

Where can you play BIG in your life?

There's nothing like declaring to a room full of strangers that you need to work on your marriage. And yet that's what I did last month when I spoke to an audience about playing BIG in 2011.

Sure, I could have talked about going into business for myself, about committing the time and energy to creating my coaching EMPIRE!!!!!! (Imagine maniacal laughter in the background.) As I was writing my speech, however, I realized that playing big in business has been relatively easy for me. After all, I already have the discipline (thanks, Tiger Mom!), tools, education, skills and experience it takes to successfully grow my business. I knew what I needed to do, and I have done so, step by step, methodically and with intention.

As I crafted my speech, I started to realize that for me, playing big in 2011 was about something else. About something that has been in my peripheral vision for several years, perhaps even decades. It's something that has been trying desperately to get my attention as I have moved forward steadfastly with achieving my life goals - going to graduate school, getting a good job, having kids, building a business.

I started to turn my head in order to look all around me, and suddenly it came dramatically came into focus. That something was my marriage -- a bedrock of support in that it has never gotten in the way of my plans. Yet in staying out of the way it has also become relegated to the background.

For me, playing BIG this year will be about playing in an area of my life in which I feel I don't have the tools, the skills and experience. An area in which the ending is unpredictable, murky, unclear. It's about finally focusing on something that has been integral to my success but has gotten the short end of the stick because of it.

Very often we define playing BIG in the expected ways -- getting that corner office, making that first million, quitting that high profile job to spend time with family. All still very valuable and worthwhile pursuits. Yet I imagine that in many ways, we use these areas of focus to hide from those that are even more important to our happiness and fulfillment.

So take a moment today to look at what's been hanging out in your periphery, and let me know if you start to see new, exciting, scary, inspiring, energizing ways in which you can play BIG in your life this year.

Warm regards,
Carolyn