My Mother of Invention

When my mother was in her fifties, she applied for a scholarship to study Japanese in Japan for six months. It had been a lifelong dream of hers, and when the opportunity came up, she went after it. She got it. And that was remarkable.

However, what was more remarkable to me were a couple of the hurdles she overcame to actually make it there.

The first hurdle was the age limit for the scholarship. Apparently, she was wayyy over the age limit, and any responsible-do-as-you-are-told-instruction-following citizen might have stopped right there. But this was HER dream, and NOTHING was going to stop her.

The second hurdle was the advice, or rather, concern of her friends once she was awarded the scholarship. Concern that sounded something like this, if my memory from 20 years ago serves me well:

"You can't leave your family here."
"What about your husband? (How will he eat?)"
"Such a long time away!"

A lot of pressure for a woman of her generation and culture. As she shared her/their concerns with me and my brothers, each of us in our own way told her to go. In fact, as I laid out all the logical and illogical reasons to go, I remember saying that if she didn't go, I would never forgive her.

Years later, I see how desperate I was for her to pursue her dream. After all, if she could do it, then by golly, so could I! And as I reflect on that event and the impact it had on me, I also realize that my current image of my mom is inconsistent with my mother of yesteryear. In fact, the way I see it now, my mother is one who sometimes fills me with anxiety and fear around the way I'm raising my children. She shares concern and worry with such frequency that I often start to feel small, incompetent and powerless. It's as if I've somehow invented a totally different mother, one who lacks the ability or inclination to inspire, motivate, and empower.

Yet when I look at her accomplishment from back then, it triggers memories of additional achievements in her life. And I see that the mother who raised me to always follow the rules and to serve others well was also a woman who could take risks, was passionate and was committed to making her dream come true. And maybe, just maybe, it is that fervor that has stayed with me all this time and allowed me to pursue my own passions in life and work.

We often get stuck in perceiving our mothers as only that - mothers - while forgetting to see, acknowledge and honor the whole woman behind the role.

So this weekend, take time to celebrate and honor not only the mother who raised you, but the whole woman that she is.

Happy Mother's Day!
Carolyn